Hi. Its been so long. I don't even know where to begin.
First I would like to congratulate you on passing your second year of
dentistry. I have always believed in you. I also hope that you are enjoying
your summer to its full extent. I have a lot of things to say (as always I
know) and will try to sort out my thoughts as best as I can. I want to
apologize for how poorly and immaturely I left things with you. I was just so
hurt and blinded with rage. I let my emotions take over instead of trying to
deal with it rationally and accepting the situation for what it was. I want you
to know that the last thing I want is for you to be out of my life. These last
few months of no contact with you has been extremely difficult for me. I'm
reaching out to you because I can't handle the silence anymore. I'm growing and
getting stronger and have been doing well with no self-harm. The only thing I
struggle with is the heartache I wake up too every morning and the tears I carry
to bed. I miss you. I miss you so much. Not a single day goes by that I don't
think of you. I am so sorry if I drove you away or if I became too much. I know
you don't reciprocate the same feelings I have for you, but I still love you. I
love you so much. Everyday my mind is haunted with memories of us.. Each one
crystal clear. I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. I just need
you to know how much you matter to me. You have left an imprint on my heart,
and inspired me in so many ways. James 1: 12. I learnt that from you, and that
verse has kept me going; persevering through these times of trials that I face.
I'm fighting for my life back. I won't be a victim to my actions or impulses.
I'm not giving up because I've finally came to the realization of how much I
have lost by not fighting back. If there's one good thing that I gained from
this time apart.. Its that I will never consider suicide again. Because losing
you, and you're still here on earth.. Has been the hardest thing I've had to
face. I can't imagine living in a world without you even if I'm not part of it.
Imagining what that would do to me is unfathomable. I'm sure you're familiar
with 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8.. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy,
it does not -boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it
is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in
evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always
hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. These are the only words I can use
to describe my love for you. And I truly believe that no one will love you more
than I do. I really hope things are going good for you. You deserve the best
things in life. I understand that this all may be overwhelming. I have come to
terms that you don't feel the same. But I just needed you to know. I guess this
is as close to closure I can get. I believe you will do amazing things in life.
I know because you have already touched mine.
Kyley
Poison and Wine - The Civil Wars Xo
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